


Let's Take This Mess And Make A Home

by anniewhovian



Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic, Panic Attack, i dont want to spoil anything with the tags ;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-14 12:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7171187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anniewhovian/pseuds/anniewhovian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A multi-chaptered fic about love, friendship, and video games.</p><p> </p><p>Title from the song "Cinderblock Garden" by All Time Low</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Air Conditioning

“Why did the A/C have to break on the HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR?” You groaned, putting your face back in front of the fan. Even at Asagao, one of the richest schools in the country, malfunctions were prone to happen at the absolute worst times possible. You were lucky you liked sleeping under blankets, otherwise you'd be stuck like the majority of the school right now: fanless.

“Thank you for letting me come over and share the cool air.” Hana’s quiet voice rang over the room, and you looked over at her, smiling.

“It's really not a problem, Hana. I love having you around!” Hana gave a soft smile back. Honestly, you were glad you even had Hana as a friend. Everyone else seemed to be stuck-up rich girls, annoying, or Mimi.

Just as you let out a small laugh at the thought, you heard the small ding of your phone. Reaching over for it, you were surprised to hear Hana’s phone as well.

“Someone loves us, huh?” You remarked to Hana as you unlocked your phone.

Caddy: You have a fan, right?  
Caddy: Can I come over?

Raising your eyebrow slightly, you turned to Hana. 

“Caddy wants to share our fan. Would you mind if I told him to go ahead and come over?” Hana looked up at you, an amused expressing coming over her face.

“Shane wants to come over as well.” Giggling, you nodded at her.

“Guess we’re inviting the Brits over. Tell him not to bring anyone else with him, though. I think the four of us should be plenty for one fan.” Hana agreed, the both of you typing a reply and waiting. You didn’t have to wait for long.

Almost the second you sent the reply, there was a knock on the door. Glancing at Hana, who looked as startled as you felt, you quickly got up and opened the door. There was Caddy, grinning at you.

“Were you waiting outside my door?” You frowned at him, trying to hide the smile that threatened to break across your face.

“...Maybe.” He had the sense to look abashed before stepping into the room, heading straight for what had been _your_ spot in front of the fan. Shaking your head you closed the door, doing your best to keep what cool air you had inside your room. Turning to the rest of the room, you laughed at Caddy, who seemed to be trying to fuse with the fan.

“Aren’t you going to say hi to Hana?” You smirked at him. He was so focused on the fan he hadn’t even noticed Hana laying on your couch. That was some serious determination to get cooler.

“Sorry, Hana. How are you?” Caddy turned to face Hana, not moving from the fan. 

“Hi Caddy. It’s hot but I think I’ll live.” Hana’s origami fan was going at a steady pace, working up a breeze around her. You moved to go sit by her, stopped by a knock on the door. Opening it once again, you felt your face go hot.

Shane wasn’t wearing a shirt. His deadpan expression twitched when he saw your surprise. Pushing past you, he entered the room.

“Oh, what’s he doing here?” Snapping yourself out of the shock you closed the door, walking to stand near Hana. This was going to be good.

“What the hell are _you_ doing here? I was here first!” Caddy looked up at Shane, annoyance plain on his face.

“I asked Hana if I could come over and she said that she was over here.” Shane nodded towards Hana, who’s bright red face was hid in the couch cushions. 

“Well, I asked if I could come over first! And why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” You looked between the two, both boys vying for some sort of dominance. You knew you wouldn’t let it get very far, but it was fun to watch for now. Patting Hana on the back, you smiled.

“Because it’s really fucking hot outside?” Shane retorted. You shook your head. Alright, time to end this. Anymore heat in this room and you’d all be dying.

“Alright you two. We want to chill, right? Not get all heated up? So let’s chill.” Both guys looked at you apologetically.

“Sorry. Thank you for letting me share your fan.” Shane nodded at you, smiling slightly. 

“Sorry.” Caddy mumbled. You grinned, turning to the TV. 

“Let’s watch a movie, yeah? Hana’s pick.” You picked up the remote, turning on the TV. Hana finally brought her face out of the couch, her blush reduced to a dusting of pink. She looked at your movie collection, picking a classic. Moving the fan to blow nearer to the couch, you all gathered around, you and Hana on the couch while Caddy and Shane sat a good 5 feet apart on the floor. As the movie started you felt yourself relax.

Blinking sleepily you looked around, the last few rays of the sun lighting up the room.You don’t know when it happened, yet you must have fallen asleep. Twisting yourself, you were surprised to feel a blanket around your shoulders. Picking it up, you gently moved from the couch where Hana seemed to have drifted off as well. Looking around the room you spotted Shane watching you from the corner, Caddy sitting near him on his phone. 

“Hey guys.” Your voice was a hoarse whisper, and you winced slightly. You needed water. Caddy looked up, smiling gently at you.

“Hey. The A/C kicked back on a little after you guys fell asleep. Took it fucking long enough. You were shivering after a while so we put a blanket on you…” Caddy trailed off, and you could see his face looked a little red. Shrugging, you walked over and sat near them. You noted Shane was wearing a shirt again. Pulling the blanket around yourself like a cocoon, you watched as Shane played Nario Kart on the small TV you kept for your gamebox. 

Feeling a gentle presence, you looked to your right to see Hana sit next to you. You opened the blanket cocoon to her, and she quickly snuggled up next to you, watching Shane play. A comfortable silence coming over the room, you all stayed like that for a while. Watching Caddy out of the corner of your eye, you saw him smile fondly at you before looking back down at his phone. You felt your stomach erupt into flutters.

 _No. Stop that. Caddy is just a friend. A good friend, yeah, but just a friend. Fuck off butterflies!_ You fidgeted, letting out a small groan. Hana looked at you in concern and you shook your head at her, tight lipped. A way of saying “tell you later”. She seemed to get the message, looking back to Shane. You could feel Caddy’s eyes on you and you ignored him. When he finally looked away you felt relieved but still nervous. The butterflies just wouldn’t give you a break!

As the moon began to rise you had to do something. You loved Hana, Shane, and Caddy, nevertheless you wanted your room back. Standing up, you cleared your throat to get their attention.

“Sorry to cut the party short, but I’d like to have my room to myself for a while.” Shane turned off the TV, standing up as well.

“Thank you again for letting me come over.” He looked at you kind of awkwardly before looking at Hana and moving for the door. Hana watched him, laughing quietly. 

“Thanks.” She gave you a quick hug, flitting off after him. You watched, tickled at how obvious they could be about each other. They were adorable, really. As Caddy stood up and you redirected your attention to him, the butterflies returned in full force. _Oh goddammit._

“I, uh… thanks for letting me stay. Even though I was kind of creeping outside of your door.” His laugh filled the room, and you blushed. His laugh was cute. Everything about him was cute. The waiting outside of your door, the way he had curled up next to the fan, his accent… _Seriously, stop. He doesn’t like you that way. You’re just going to get hurt…._ Your smile wavering slightly, you nodded to him. 

“Yeah… yeah. It wasn’t a problem.” You looked at the ground. Why did stupid feelings have to make everything awkward? Why couldn’t your stupid heart just go be stupid somewhere else? Why couldn’t Caddy just be stupidly cute somewhere else? You looked up at him when he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Um. I- I don’t expect anything in return. I really don’t,” You froze. What was happening? Why did Caddy appear to be really nervous? You tried to clear your intrusive thoughts as he continued. “But I, uh.” He stopped, and you watched as he seemed to steel himself. When your eyes met again you couldn’t seem to look away. There was something in his eyes, the gray drawing you in. His eyes reminded you of an approaching storm, dark and mysterious, the promise of lightning and thunder. But there was something else there. The feel of a warm, rainy day. The kind of rainy day that drew children out to play, that caused people to curl up near windows and lose themselves in books and the pitter-patter of rain. You were awestruck.

You felt as he pulled you closer, placing his hand on your cheek. As your lips connected, something inside of you clicked. Your fears, worries, insecurities all melted away. Caddy was warm against you, a constant force. You leaned into him, pressing a hand against his chest and tangling your other in his hair. You liked this. You liked this a lot.

All good things must come to an end, however. Your lips disengaged, the two of you standing there together, breathing against each other. Caddy moved his hand to your hair, running his fingers through it, causing you to shiver. You pressed your face against his chest, moving your arms to wrap around him. You could feel him chuckle.

“So, I’m guessing you like me as well?” He looked down at you, smiling, and you rolled your eyes. 

“Duh.” You raised yourself, giving him a small peck. Blushing, you both studied each other, a fondness in his eyes surprising you. You laid your face against his chest again, and he moved himself to rest his chin on your head. You don’t know how long you stayed like that, wrapped up in each other. It seemed like a very long time.

You knew you didn’t mind it one bit.


	2. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Some of the dialog in this chapter comes directly from the game. I do not claim that dialog as my own.

“Okay, but, like, isn’t Minor Woman super old by now? Why does she still look like a kid? Shouldn’t Gintendo come out with a like, revamped, older version of her?” Hana had no idea what they were talking about, but the discussions happening at the Normal Boots Table were always fun to listen to.

“Okay, well first of all, did you know that Minor Woman was created in 1987? That’s not even that long ago. Second of all, you don’t mess with perfection. People like Minor Woman as a child, making her an adult would just be… weird.” Hana watched as Shane vibrantly spouted facts. She loved seeing him get so animated, something about proving the others wrong with specific information just made him so happy. Hana turned, feeling a light tap on her shoulder. You were smiling, telling her to follow you. Hana turned to Shane, lightly touching his arm.

“I’ll be back in a moment, Shane.” He nodded quickly, still talking about facts. Hana laughed, following you out of the cafeteria and into the bright sun. You seemed really happy. Hana wasn’t sure why, but she got the feeling that whatever you were going to tell her was what had brightened your mood.

“You look like you just won the lottery. What’s up?” Hana questioned you when you stopped, turning to her. You placed a hand over your mouth, trying to hide your grin.

“I.. uh. Yesterday...” Hana’s amused expression made you dissolve into giggles. Hana gave an exasperated sigh, placing her hand on her hip in what she hoped to be an impatient manner. 

“Come on. Spill.” You had stopped giggling, trying to compose yourself.

“Okay, okay. Yesterday, after you and Shane left, Caddy stayed for a while and, uh…” You started giggling again, blushing furiously. Hana shook her head, trying not to smile.

“Caddy, uh,” You tried again. “He kissed me.” Hana laughed, tackling you in a hug.

“That’s why you’re so giggly! Oh my gosh, I’m so happy for you!” Hana squealed slightly. You had talked to her about your small crush on Caddy before, and you had both giggled over dumb romantic movies and lamented to each other about how stupidly oblivious boys could be. You had been slightly jealous when Hana had seemed to be making ground with Shane, or at least trying not to kill him, while you were stuck in the same place with Caddy you had always been, but now he had kissed you and everything felt okay. 

“I’m happy for you, really! Now if only Shane would do the same…” Hana blushed, trailing off. You smiled at her, giving her a pat in the shoulder. 

“There’s always the picnic you planned, yeah?” You remembered helping Hana plan the date. She was so nervous, you had to calm her down more than once.

“Yeah…I still need to ask him.” You patted her again.

“I’m sure you can do it, Hana. Believe in yourself!” Hana smiled at you, hugging you once again.

“Thanks. Now go be with Caddy!” She shoved you lightly and you giggled, blushing again. Together you walked back into the cafeteria, splitting to go to your separate tables. Hana watched as you gave her a small nod before sitting down next to Caddy. She nodded back, smoothing her skirt and taking her place next to Shane once again. Hana watched her food, thinking about what the right time to ask Shane could be. Now? No, that would just embarrass both of them. Sighing slightly, she turned back to her food. She’d figure out a good time to do it, right?

That time just happened to be late at night when Shane decided he needed help with his homework. As Hana agreed with Mai that she was going to ask him, she felt a pang of fear. There wasn’t really any need to be nervous. She wasn’t even going to be making the food this time! Bit try as she might, the nerves wouldn’t go away. Maybe the picnic was a bad idea? Sighing, Hana opened the door to the classroom. Shane was sitting, face in his hands.

“You’re here!” Hana couldn’t stop herself as she blurted the first thought in her head. Shane looked up at her.

“Yeah… Th- Thank you for helping me.” He stuttered slightly as Hana walked over to sit down.

“No problem.” She giggled awkwardly, pulling out a chair near him and setting down her book.

“Page 112, yes?” He seemed confused before stammering out a confirmation. Shrugging slightly, Hana opened her book, studying his worksheet. That was odd…

“All of your work is right, but for some reason your answers are wrong…” She started slightly as Shane took his notebook, throwing it into his bag.

“Forget about it, that’s not important.” Hana was confused. Why would he have texted her for help if he didn’t actually want it? 

“No, I’m fine now.” There was a pregnant pause. The tension in the air was palpable, the sun finally setting and casting a dark glow over the room. Clearing her throat, Hana took a deep breath. Now was a better time to ask than never, yeah?

“Shane…” She was interrupted by his sudden grin.

“Do you want to hang out sometime?” Oh. Well. That took the pressure off of her, she supposed. 

“What?” Hana was startled. Shane seemed confused. 

“What? Were you going to say something? Forget about it, what were you going to say?” Frowning slightly, Hana tried to speak again.

“I…” She giggled. “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a picnic with me.” 

“A picnic?” Shane was surprised.

“Yeah, A picnic! At the park! I have everything ready.” She stated proudly. Shane laughed quietly.

“Impressive.” He frowned. “Did you make the food already, too?” Hana winced.

“I was just going to buy it this time, don’t worry.” Hana watched as he smiled.

“I’m not. I’m going to make the food.” Now it was Hana’s turn to be surprised.

“You?!” Hana didn’t know Shane could cook. 

“Yes.” He leaned back, watching Hana.

“Oh… Wait, now?” Wouldn’t it be too late to do it now? The moon was already rising!

“Yeah. Care to join me? If we store it well, it’ll still be good for tomorrow.” Shane seemed determined. Hana blushed.

“Are we going tomorrow? I-it doesn’t have to be so soon!” Hana was a bit taken aback. She really didn’t mind if it was going to be that soon, but the thought sent her into a panic. She wasn’t quite ready yet!

“I don’t want to psych myself out.” Shane frowned. Hana felt herself relax slightly. Shane had the same kind of fear that she did, and it put her mind at ease.

“Oh, that’s a good point. Let’s do tomorrow!” Hana nodded.

“After school? Then to the kitchens we go.” Shane stood and Hana scrambled after him. 

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now. Let’s go.” Shane shrugged his pack onto his shoulders, leaving Hana to scurry after him. This should be interesting…

But as the pair stepped into the growing darkness Shane’s shoulders drooped. Finally seeming to have realized the time, he turned to Hana.

“Tomorrow morning, then?” Hana nodded.

“And then we can go on the picnic the day after the tournament.” Shane agreed, walking Hana to the front of Primrose. 

“... Can I bring my sketchbook to the picnic?” Shane looked at the ground, avoiding her gaze. Hana saw no problem with it, drawing was one of Shane’s passions, and he was good at it. She was confused as to why he had been afraid to ask.

“I thought you’d be uncomfortable…” Hana blushed as he continued. She wasn’t uncomfortable, persay, it was just a new experience for her. It helped her. Shane was startled.

“Helps you?” Hana shrugged, watching the ground.

“I’m really shy, Shane…” She went on, explaining her quiet demeanor to him. As she looked back on it, Hana realized just how far she had come. Before she was overjoyed to even be asked to sit at the Normal Boots table. Now she was asking Shane on a date. Shane chuckled quietly.

“I didn’t realize you liked it.” Hana gave a small, noncommittal noise.

“I wouldn’t say I _like_ it…” 

“Oh.” Ignoring him, she continued.

“But there are worse things in this world than being stared at for hours on end by you.” She finished with a flourish, blushing shyly at him.

“But at a picnic would it be too weird to bring my sketchbook? It doesn’t seem like it’s exactly fun for you.” Hana shook her head, smiling.

“Of course you can bring it!” Shane grinned. “I agreed to be your model a while ago. I’m not going to back down now.”

“Great! I’ve been practicing. I want to see if I can improve what I’ve done of you.” Hana grinned back.

“I’d like to see it too.”

“I- I want to start up my comic again. This will be good practice.” They stopped in front of the dorm, and Shane scuffed his foot into the ground.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then. I guess.” Shane looked at Hana aimlessly.

“Thank you for walking me home, Shane. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.” A pink tint spread across Shane’s features. 

“Y-Yeah. Me too, I guess. Anyways, I’ll come cook with you tomorrow morning. Sound good?” Hana tried to reply, but his quick stammering interrupted her. “Great. Bye.” Hana giggled, watching him go. Thankful that she wasn’t the only shy one, Hana walked back to her room, a gentle calm falling over her. Tomorrow was going to be fun.

Hana was right. All through classes that day, all she could think about was how nice it was to spend time with Shane in the kitchen. Even though the cookies had been ruined, they had fun and made a mess. He really was nice to spend time with. The tournament tomorrow was stressful, but remembering Shane’s reassuring pat on her head kept her grounded.

The day of the tournament was a whirlwind. From winning her own round to Shane’s victory over Jeff, Hana found herself taken in by it all. By the time the winners were being announced Hana felt tired but happy. Catching your eye through the crowd you gave her a thumbs up. You didn’t compete but were there to support Caddy, Hana, and Shane. All of your friends had done well, and you were eager to see the results. As everyone turned to the announcer, fingers crossed, you gave Caddy a peck on the cheek. 

“....and the winner of this year’s tournament is…. 

A tie!” A silence fell over the room. 

“Both the Normal Boots Club and Hidden Block Club won with an equal amount of points.” The emcee moved off the stage, handing a microphone to PBG while someone else handed one to Jeff. Watching each other awkwardly, they both raised the mic to their face before bursting out in laughter. 

“GG.” Jeff gave PBG a fist bump. They looked out into the crowd together, putting an arm around each other. 

“Guess we’re just too evenly matched." Jeff laughed.

"We'll beat you next year," PBG smiled, a chorus of no's coming from the Hidden Block Club. "Anyway, we have an announcement to make.” PBG turned to the team, looking at Hana. “We’d like to introduce a new member to our club.” Blushing, Hana walked to the front of the stage. 

“Way to steal the thunder, PBG. We also have an announcement to make!” Jeff turned, handing the microphone to Caddy. Slinging an arm around you, Caddy brought you to the front of the stage. As he introduced you as the newest Hidden Block member. You and Hana laughed at each other, hugging.

“Welcome to the club!” Caddy smiled at you, and you blushed as he draped a yellow and black jacket over your shoulders. You turned to see Hana with a Normal Boots jacket. A light smattering of applause sped through the room, then people started leaving. Seems the fun was over for now. As you and Hana turned to face the clubs you were met with uproarious clapping. 

“I vote a celebratory dinner for both clubs.” Jirard looked around, nodding as everyone agreed. The clubs moving off the stage broke into chatter, and you and Hana found yourself dawdling in the back. 

“Hey, rival.” You punched Hana playfully, snickering. 

“'Hey' yourself. How does it feel to be in Hidden Block now?” Hana smiled at you, bumping your shoulder.

“Not any different, actually.” You shrugged. 

“Yeah, I get the feeling. Here comes Caddy.” Hana pointed him out to you, and you laughed lightly.

“Shane’s right behind him. Guess they want to congratulate us? You did amazing at your event, by the way.” Hana blushed, thanking you for the praise.

“Hana! Well done, really!” Caddy congratulated Hana as she stammered out a thanks. He turned as Shane approached. 

“Hello, Shane.” Shane nodded to him, turning to you. 

“Congratulations.” You blushed. 

“Thanks.” You didn’t know what else to say. Shane watched you, blushing slightly before turning back to Hana. That was kind of… odd. Turning to Caddy you grabbed his hand, pulling him with you. 

“Come on! It’s time to celebrate!” Laughing, Caddy sped up to walk with you, pulling you against him. Looking at your new jacket, you felt a surge of pride. You just hoped Hana had a good time on her date with Shane. You frowned. Shane…. Something about him made you feel… off. Like something was missing. Shaking your head, you leaned into Caddy slightly.

You were sure you’d figure out what it was eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something seems off. I wonder what it is?


	3. Realization

You paced your room. It was the day after the tournament, Hana was on a date with Shane, and Caddy was watching you from his spot on your couch. You were frustrated. 

“Do you like Hana?” You leveled your gaze at him, watching his eyes widen.

“What do you mean?” You sighed.

“You know exactly what I mean, Caddy! Do you like Hana? You know, as an elementary school kid would say, do you like-like her?” You had been thinking about this too much. Something about Hana... How could you put it? You wanted her to be a part of your relationship. This complicated things. Shane was with Hana. And you were with Caddy. But you wanted.... more. Caddy stared at you, trying to guess why you would be asking him such a question.

“I… Fuck, I don’t know?” Caddy was confused. You threw your hands up into the air.

“Caddy, I’m being serious here. Do you like Hana? I know you like me, but what about Hana? Please answer me honestly.” You stalked over to him, placing your hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes. He flinched slightly.

“I- fuck, yeah, I do. Why does it matter?” You smiled smugly at him, turning on your heel to go back to pacing. One problem down.

“Because I like her too.”

* * *

Hana shivered against Shane. She felt miserable. The stupid rain yesterday must have given them both a cold. Shane had just sneezed again when Hana picked up her phone to text you.

“Wait.” Shane grabbed Hana’s phone from her hand before she could hit send. Hana whined at him indignantly. He chuckled.

“I have something I want to talk to you about.” Sighing, Hana leaned against him, waiting for him to continue. He gave her a small kiss on the head as he went on.

“I don’t want to make things uncomfortable. I want to be as open and honest as possible with you, Hana.” Hana looked questioningly at Shane. She was worried as to what this could all be building up to.

“I think I have romantic feelings for…” he gestured to your contact, opened on Hana’s phone. Hana stared blankly at Shane.

“I, uh…. Okay. So, so you know what polyamorous means?” Hana shook her head slowly. She had never really given it much thought, but she had heard the term before. Shane continued, “Right, okay. The official definition is ‘the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.’ Emily brought the term up to me during our relationship. She, uh, she wanted to have a relationship with me and a girl at the same time. I said okay, because there wasn’t any stopping Emily anyway, and at that point I was planning on breaking up with her. The short time I was in the relationship I found I actually… enjoyed it? There was a lot of trust, a lot of open communication, and Emily’s girlfriend and I bonded over our mutual relationship with Emily.” Shane shrugged, looking once again at Hana. He gave her a moment before speaking again.

“Do you have any questions? I don’t want you to feel like you have to agree with anything I’m saying, and I just wanted to bring it up so that you knew. I won’t do anything to our relationship, or open it up to other people, unless you are wholly accepting and want that. If you want our relationship to be monogamous, or just with the two of us, no one else involved, I’d be okay with that-” Shane was cut off by Hana connecting their mouths. Eyes widening slightly, he relaxed into the kiss before Hana pulled away.

“Shane, you have said more to me in the past minute than you have in the entire time we’ve known each other, shut up for a second.” Hana laughed. “I’d be perfectly fine with bringing other people into our relationship. The point is that we all love each other, and accept each other, yeah? That sounds like a perfectly happy relationship to me.” Hana squeaked in surprise when Shane kissed her once again, a passion coming through and connecting to Hana that sent shivers down her spine. When Shane pulled away Hana found it hard to open her eyes for a second before another sneeze from Shane sent her into a fit of giggles.

“Okay, okay. Can I have my phone back, now? I was asking someone to bring us more tissues.” Shane gave her back her phone, and Hana resumed her text to you, hitting send. Putting her phone down she quickly relaxed against Shane, feeling content. She had actually thought about a polyamorous relationship before, but she hadn’t known the term. If everyone loved each other and accepted each other than why wouldn’t it be okay? And... Hana had gotten butterflies around you more than once. Something about you just made Hana happy. Bringing you into their relationship would make these feelings so much easier to deal with. Especially if it meant Hana wouldn't have to hide them anymore. The knock on the door interrupted the half-asleep state she had been slipping into, and curling into Shane more she winced as he called out “come in”.

“Awww, how cute. You feeling better, Hana?” Your voice washed over the room, and Hana turned herself over to glare at you playfully. 

“I was almost asleep again.” Hana wrinkled her nose slightly and you giggled. She really was cute. Shaking your head slightly, you tried to erase the thoughts. You and Caddy had talked about it, of course, but you still didn’t know if Hana would even want to join your relationship. And what about Shane? Sighing quietly you walked closer to them, tissues in hand. Would now even be a good time to bring it up? 

“Thanks.” Shane took the box from your hands, quickly opening it and stuffing a tissue near his nose as he sneezed. You gave Hana a small pat on the head, walking back to the door. 

“I’d stay but I’d rather not get sick. Text me if you need anything.” You put your hand on the knob, surprised to see Shane getting up to follow you. Walking outside of the room you waited for him, giving him a confused stare.

“Hana and I were talking about something, uh, something related to you…” Shane blushed, staring at the ground. You waited patiently for him to continue.

“Um. We’d like to open our relationship to you.” You felt your mouth drop open in shock before you remembered something important.

“What about Caddy?” To think, just a day ago you had no idea if Hana and Shane were even open to a polyamorous relationship. Now here you were being asked to join the relationship by Shane…

“What about him?” Shane seemed puzzled. 

“We’re dating. I’m not going to be in two completely different relationships. I’ll join you and Hana if Caddy can too.” Shane watched you for a moment before grinning.

“Of course. Uh. Maybe you and Caddy should come over for a while today? We can all talk some things out?” This was good. You could all talk about this, the feelings that were showing themselves, decide where to go from there. It felt a bit like a puzzle you had just found one of the final pieces to, leaving you one step closer to solving the picture.

“Yeah, sounds good. We’ll be over in a few.” You nodded, turning to walk back to Primrose. You were stopped by a hand on your shoulder. Turning once again to Shane you were surprised by a pair of lips against your own. This was… nice. Shane was warm and gentle, Caddy’s kisses were a little more forceful, an air of danger to them. As Shane broke away you found yourself a little lightheaded.

“See you in a little bit.” Shane pushed you lightly, chuckling as you nodded blankly and started walking. As you walked back to your room, trying to figure out why you felt so odd, something clicked. You felt yourself freeze. 

That’s what had been missing between you and Shane.

Speeding up, you started your trek to Primrose once again. Something about this entire situation, the four of you all together, it all just felt so…right. 

You were eager to get started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's get this party started, shall we? ;)


	4. Discussion

There was a palpable nervous tension in the air. You watched awkwardly as everyone exchanged eye contact before clearing your throat slightly. With three pairs of eyes on you, you finally began.

“Okay. So. Some Things have come to light and we need to talk about them. Mainly what the _fuck_ is this relationship.” You smiled, breaking the tension. Chuckles filled the air as everyone finally relaxed, and you leaned back on your heels. How to go about this discussion was unknown to you, but that certainly wasn’t going to stop you from trying. 

“I know that I like you, Caddy, as well as Shane and Hana more than just friends. I know that both Caddy and Shane like me that way as well.” The glance passed between the two boys did not escape your notice. You continued, “Hana?” Turning your gaze to your…. Friend? Girlfriend? More-than-friend? Who's blushing nod confirmed your hope. 

“Great! Your turn, Hana.” You moved, gesturing to where you had been standing. Startled. Hana walked slowly, hiding behind her hair. You gave her a reassuring smile and she smiled softly, focusing her attention on you as she began.

“I, uh. I like Shane. And I like you. And, um… Caddy’s cute…” Hana blushed, looking down at the ground again. She really was adorable. You nodded, relieving her of her duty.

“Thank you, Hana. Shane?” This way of going about this was… interesting. It was mostly just cute to watch everyone get flustered. You snickered, slinging an arm around Hana who had taken a seat next to you. Shane’s expression remained calm, watching you and Hana.

“I like the girls. Caddy, you’re… tolerable.” You shook your head slightly as Caddy let out an indignant “hey!” and Hana giggled. Caddy took his place in front of you, Shane sitting where Caddy had been previously.

“I like you all except for Shane. He’s an ass.” With that, Caddy sat on the other side of Hana. You could feel Shane staring daggers over your head. You quickly popped back up, looking sternly at both of them.

“What? He started it!” Caddy pointed to Shane, and you pursed your lips.

“And I’m finishing it!.... Oh god, I’m turning into a mom… Okay, look, whatever. Just. What is this relationship? We’ve all agreed that the best way to refer to it was just, well, polyamorous, yeah? Do we want to… try to formulate something or just… see where it takes us?” Shane, Caddy, and Hana exchanged glances, shrugging at each other. 

“Let’s just… go by a day at a time. If anyone feels uncomfortable, speak up about it, we’ll just kind of… all learn together?” Caddy’s proposition was met with group agreement. A day at a time. You could almost see another puzzle piece snap into place.   
“Yeah. Okay. Awesome. I’m glad we can all agree. So, uh…. What now?” You weren’t sure what to do next. You had discussed the relationship, who likes who, how to go about it… what now? Caddy stood up, stretching slightly before grinning at the rest of you.

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but Hidden Block has a meeting in 15 minutes.” You paled. _What were you and Hana going to do about your clubs? Would all of you dating be weird if you were in rival clubs?... What were the clubs going to think about all of you dating?_ You felt your thoughts spiraling out of control.

“Hey. Hey.” You tried to focus on the voice in front of you. This wasn’t good. You had started panicking and you could feel yourself shaking. You zeroed in on the eyes in front of you, a blue to rival that of a sapphire, clear and beautiful.

“You’re in Jirard and Shane’s room in Asagao Academy. There are three people other than you in the room. Count them for me, please.” You nodded slowly, looking around to point at each as you counted out loud. 

“One. Two. Three.” You took a quiet, deep breath. You felt yourself coming back. Turning again to the person in front of you as you said three, you focused on their breathing, relaxing into them as they wrapped their arms around you. You felt dazed but safe, knowing the arms around you wouldn’t let you go until you were ready.

“...Sorry.” You whispered into the room, feeling the body against yours tense slightly.

“It wasn’t your fault, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Panic attacks are rough, but they definitely aren’t your fault. It’s okay.” You nodded slowly, pushing away to look up at Shane.

“Thanks. I... uh…” Shane shook his head slightly, smiling softly at you.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” You turned to Caddy and Hana, concern clear on Caddy’s face. Hana nodded slightly at you. She knew how it felt. You smiled softly at her and Caddy.

“You don’t have to come to the meeting if you don’t want to. The guys will understand.” Caddy spoke softly, not willing to break the gentle air that had come over the group. You shook your head slightly.

“No, I’m...okay now. I’m fine now. I, um, how are we going to tell the clubs about… this?” You gestured vaguely to the three around you. You felt Shane’s arms wrap around you again as he rested his chin on the top of your head. You grabbed his arm reassuringly. His efforts to calm you were appreciated greatly.

“Um. We don’t have to tell them right away? I feel like we need to… establish ourselves with each other first. Test the waters with how this is all going to work. The clubs are always going to be there, you know? We don’t have to tell them now, and really we don’t have to ever tell them if we don’t want to.” Hana finished, shrugging slightly. You nodded.

“Yeah… you’re right. I want to tell them eventually, but… This is still new. We’re still learning. Let’s wait.” You could feel Shane nod against your head before he let go, and Caddy took your hand.

“Ready to go?” You nodded again, glancing gratefully at Shane once more.

“Thanks, Shane…” He nodded again, smiling.

“See you later.” Hana touched you gently on the shoulder before closing the door behind you. You relaxed against Caddy, feeling slightly drained but ready for the meeting. If anything, the meeting would give your mind a break from everything that had happened that day. It was a lot to take in, but you were happy. Caddy wrapped his arm around you, rubbing your arm gently as he kissed the crown of your head.

You were safe. 

You were _loved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit on the short side, but things are still revving up.   
> Little bit of angst for the soul ;)


	5. Soothing

Shane tried to figure out where he stood in this…. group. His relationship with Emily and the other girl had been fun. When he and the girl were kidnapped together they had been able to spend the time bonding over how stupid the entire situation was, how screwed up their lives were. He hadn’t felt any competition with the girl for Emily’s affections, and they even formed affections between themselves. No matter how fond Shane’s memories of that time could be, however, he didn’t regret moving to Asagao. Not even once. 

There was something different with Caddy then there had been with that girl, or then there was with you and Hana. Whether it was a vying for the girls’ affections or some kind of feelings there that Shane couldn’t even begin to understand, there was definitely something. And now that Hana had returned to her dorm, having a quiet moment to think, Shane tried to figure out what it was. 

How long that would actually take to solve, Shane couldn’t tell.

The night after you had a panic attack Caddy came to Shane’s room, shaken up and looking for Shane’s guidance. He needed to know how to help you, or Hana, if either of you ever had a panic attack again. That night, Shane taught Caddy everything he knew about the signs of a panic attack, what to do, and how to help. It was the most serious Shane had ever seen Caddy. It was almost…Endearing. There was a silent agreement reached between the two. Protect you and Hana. No matter the cost. If there was anything that could be agreed on between Caddy and Shane, it was that tea should only ever be drunk hot, and that you and Hana should always feel safe.

That’s why Shane had been startled one day, after watching some girl flirt with Caddy, to feel not only a surge of anger, but something akin to… jealousy? Storming up to the two, Shane had grabbed Caddy’s hand and pulled him away. With a blush spreading rapidly over his face, Shane had turned to Caddy, ready to give him an earful.

“What the bloody hell was that for?” Caddy had yelped, snatching his hand from Shane’s grip.

“That girl was flirting with you, in case you couldn’t tell. Don’t mess around with people, Caddy. I’m not going to let the girls get hurt because you’re too blind to see it.” Shane felt a pang in his heart then, something telling him that wasn’t the complete truth to why Shane had stopped the girl. He had ignored it. 

“...oh.” Realization dawning on Caddy’s face, he had turned back to Shane. “Shane, you know as well as I do that if the girls ever get hurt because of one of us…” Caddy had trailed off.

“I know. Just. Don’t do it again.” Shane had nodded solemnly at him, going on his way once again. He hoped Caddy hadn’t been able hear his heartbeat pounding in his chest. 

There was definitely something there.

* * *

Caddy had been scared, seeing you spiral into a panic attack. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to help. Watching Shane, although he was clearly worried, keep his voice calm and level to bring you out of your head….. It was, quite frankly, breathtaking. Caddy needed to know how to do that. He needed to know how to help you.

While running to Shane for help wouldn’t have been his first choice, or even his second, before that incident, Caddy now found Shane on the top of his list when he needed guidance. If there was anything happening that could affect the girls, Caddy could be sure to find Shane waiting for him outside his room, or leaving him a note so they could talk.

Caddy looked forward to these meetings with Shane. It was the one time they would be sure to get along, and Caddy slowly realized over time that, well, maybe he didn’t dislike Shane after all. Sure, he seemed like an ass at first, but he had been through a shitstorm. Caddy wasn’t surprised that Shane had built so many walls around himself. 

He was surprised when Shane allowed Caddy to start breaking through, however.

“....Shane?” Caddy was startled hear a familiar knock at his door. Scrambling to unlock it, he studied Shane before immediately ushering him into the room. Something was wrong.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Caddy watched as Shane shook his head slowly, leading him to the couch. 

“Okay, that’s alright. Let’s just sit down over here, yeah?” As soon as they sat down Caddy’s arms were around Shane and Shane had stuffed his face into Caddy’s collar, choking out sobs. Caddy rubbed slow circles into Shane’s back, humming soothingly. 

This was new. Caddy had seen Shane get mad. Caddy had seen Shane get frustrated. But Caddy had never seen Shane cry. He wanted to know why. Who, or _what_ , had hurt Shane enough to make him cry? Caddy felt something surge up inside, something telling him to fight whatever upset Shane. He pushed it to the side. If Shane didn’t want to talk about it then Caddy wasn’t going to push. Caddy would just be there for him, calming and helping best he could. 

That’s what friends do, right?

 

Even if they wanted to be more than friends?


	6. New

The changing dynamic between the boys was never lost on you. The continued bickering and arguing had taken a more playful tone if anything. You were confused as to why they were suddenly getting along so well, but you were happy. Especially because that meant you could tease them about it. 

“Hey, Caddy?” You looked at him from your spot hanging off the bottom bunk, turning over to see him right-side up.

“Yes?” He glanced up from his homework, a smile working its way onto his face.

“Do you like Shane?” You were sure that your smirk was poorly hidden.

“Do I- What? No! What ever gave you that idea?” His blush and panicked stammers sent you giggling. Turning back over you snickered at the mattress above you.

Yeah, you were definitely happy.

* * *

Shane was terrified. He liked Caddy. He knew he liked Caddy. Of course, that was probably the best outcome for this relationship: everyone loving each other. That certainly didn’t stop it from being terrifying. 

There was also the fact that Caddy probably didn’t like him back. Probably. The thought sent shivers down Shane’s spine. He felt like a middle-schooler again, pining after a crush, with the way everyone but Caddy picked up the hints he dropped. 

“Shane?” He turned to you, watching as you paused the video game in front of you.

“You like Caddy, don’t you?” Shane sighed. Glancing at the drawing on his desk. Hyacinth. Sincerity.

“...Yeah. Yeah, I do.” His voice naught but a whisper. You nodded thoughtfully, watching him.

“Caddy likes you too.” Shane glanced at you, a quick beat of hopefulness before he shook his head, turning back to the drawing.

He could only hope.

* * *

The anxious tension in the room grew with every second. Caddy had joined you on the couch and Shane was just… sitting there. You didn’t think he had moved in at least a minute. It was kind of spooky, actually. 

You almost screamed when Shane suddenly shot up, paper in his hand. You scrambled to pause the game as he stalked closer. Losing the game right now was the least of your worries.

“Caddy, I-” He stopped, choosing instead to shove the paper towards Caddy. You caught a glimpse of the words “To Caddy” alongside some sort of flower before you couldn’t see the picture anymore. _Aw, this is cute. Also fucking finally. Took him long enough._

“I don’t... “ Caddy looked up at Shane, confusion being overtaken by a sort of gentle thoughtfulness. They stayed like that for a while. You fidgeted. You couldn’t take much more of this.

“This is the part where you kiss?” Both boys turned to you, blushes spreading rapidly.

“I, um, uh-” Shane’s flustered stammers were cut off by Caddy’s lips against his. The kiss lasted only a second but you couldn’t hide your wide grin.

“Took you two long enough.” Caddy looked thoughtful, a playful glint in his eye before he sprang near you, hands tickling your sides mercilessly.

“NO- CADDY- STOP-” Your pleas for relief went unnoticed as you dissolved into laughter. Eventually, after your laughing had turned into silent mirth, he stopped, gathering you into his arms. You felt Shane sit behind you, and you watched as they exchanged another kiss over your head. A pleasant exchange for the glares they had once shared, that was for sure.

* * *

Hana opened the door to your room quietly, surprised to not hear any talking or bickering for once. As she scanned the room she felt a fond warmth bloom in her chest. You, Caddy, and Shane were curled up together on the couch, a mix of limbs. She didn’t want to wake you, but how close Caddy seemed to falling off the couch worried her, so she walked over to gently shake you all awake.

“Hmm?” You roused slightly, a groggy haze settled over your mind. You tried to move but found yourself surrounded. Panicking slightly, you struggled a bit, feeling the presence behind you vanish with a startled yelp. You looked behind you, startled to realize what had happened.

“Shit, sorry Caddy.” You tried to get up to help him before you were pulled back, Shane’s head snuggling against your neck. You groaned slightly. This was cute, but you felt bad for Caddy.

“Shane, come on, let me up.” He sighed into your shoulder before loosening his grip. You gave him a gentle pat, standing up to help Caddy.

“Hey, Hana.” She giggled at you and you shot her a grin. Leaning down to grab Caddy’s hand you yelped as he pulled you down with him. 

“Hello.” He gave a quiet snicker before kissing you. You gasped slightly. Caddy’s lips against yours were forceful, the kiss deep and tinged with passion. Moving your hands up to his hair you could feel his breathy moan before he pulled away, whispering into the shell of your ear.

“That was payback.” You shivered against him, breathless. That was new. You liked that a lot. You felt a surge of disappointment as Caddy stood before you remembered you weren’t alone. Blushing as Caddy helped you up, you ran a hand through your hair. You’d have to talk to Caddy about that later.

“So. Um. Want to do homework together, Hana?” Hana nodded, moving to her bookbag near the door. Meeting Shane’s gaze you noted he seemed a bit… jealous. Yeah. You’d have to talk to Shane about that later as well. Sighing slightly you moved to your own backpack, giving Hana a gentle kiss on the cheek as you moved past. You knew she wasn’t one for PDA, even if it was just the four of you. That was perfectly fine with you. As long as Hana was comfortable, you were happy.

“What subject first?” Being a grade ahead of Hana meant you didn’t have the same homework, but you still tried to help each other out anyway. 

“Math? Best to get what you hate done first, right?” Hana nodded in agreement and you both began, the scratching of pencils being interrupted only by the occasional confused groan. The boys were too sweet, really, as they always kept themselves quiet for you and Hana. Shane seemed to be drawing again, and Caddy was tapping on his phone. A pang of love shot through you, and you felt yourself smile.

You really were lucky.


	7. Thoughts

You were kind of surprised when Hana suggested you all go on a picnic together. The air was getting colder, the second term about halfway over. A picnic seemed… too chilly. And after the way Hana’s picnic with Shane had turned out… But Hana was insistent, and you joined her in the kitchen to make sandwiches and desserts.

“Hana?” You turned to her, trying to wipe your face on your shoulder as you dried your hands on a rag.

“Yeah?” She looked at you from her spot in front of the oven, watching the cookies bake.

“I’m glad we’re all here together. I’m glad I have you guys….” You didn’t know why you were suddenly feeling so sentimental, but you were glad Hana seemed to get the message. Standing and gathering you into a hug she patted you gently on the back of the head.

“I’m glad too.” You sniffled a little, wiping away tears before kissing Hana gently. Hana’s kisses were different than the boys’, they always had a delicateness, a softness to them. It was always surprising to you, the stark contrasts between everyone's kisses. You wondered how each would describe your kisses…

The picnic was nice and calm, a perfect end to the day. You all stayed until the stars came out, stargazing and sharing hopes and wonders. It was really calming, probably the most calming outing you all had since you’d started dating. Looking back on how far you had all come.

It seemed like just yesterday you had all confessed, joining in this joyful mess of a relationship, but it had actually been a couple of months. You had all figured out each other’s likes, limits, hobbies… You were pretty sure Hana even kept a list, just in case. 

In that time you had even told the clubs. There had been slight debate over what club you and Hana should be in, mostly between Caddy and Shane, but it was finally decided to just keep Hana in Normal Boots and you in Hidden Block. It didn’t really matter to either of you, just as long as you were all happy.

As you drifted off to sleep that night, fond memories of the group flitting through your head, you felt an odd pang of sorrow. Why did you feel sad? All the memories you had with the group were good, or of them cheering you up… Shaking your head slightly, you turned over to sleep.

You’d figure it out eventually.

* * *

As the end of the school year rapidly approached, the chilly air making kids restless with anticipation, you found yourself apprehensive. There was something putting a damper on what would normally make you ecstatic: your graduation from high school. Something had tinged you with sadness ever since that picnic. You just couldn’t put your finger on what it was….

Taking a break from cramming for exams you sighed, laying on your back. Reaching up to lazily run your fingers over the bars holding the mattress above you, you began to think about why you’d miss Asagao.

You’d made so many friends here. The Hidden Block Club, the Normal Boots Club, Hana… You’d formed friendships. Most of them would be graduating with you, of course, but you were leaving a lot of them behind. Ian, Luke, PBG, Shane, Hana…. You shot up, hitting your head on the bunk above you.

“OW- Fuck!” Cursing, you rubbed at your temples, squeezing back tears of pain and of sadness. You had finally figured out why your graduation was making you anxious.

You and Caddy were graduating before Hana and Shane.

Standing up and toeing on your shoes, you raced out your door, hoping Caddy was in his dorm. You needed to talk about this. You needed to figure out how to work around this. You needed-

“Hey, where are you racing off to?” Shane’s strong arms circled around you, stopping your racing feet.

“Shane…” You felt the tears begin their rampant track down you face. Surprised, Shane quickly wiped away your tears, gently rocking you on your feet. 

“What’s wrong? What’s happening? Are you hurt?” Shane’s concern washed over you, encircling you as you shook your head.

“I’m graduating, Shane. You aren’t…” Understanding passed its way over Shane’s face.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Let’s go talk about this, okay?” Shane started walking you towards Bluebell. You nodded mutely, overcome with the fact that you’d be leaving Shane and Hana behind. You couldn’t just leave part of yourself behind like that, you couldn’t just leave. Graduation felt more like an isolation sentence then freedom. You’d have Caddy but it just….wouldn’t be the same. It could never be the same if you weren’t all together.

Shane’s arms around you brought you back. You were in his dorm, standing in front of the door. Looking up at him, your thoughts racing, you did the only thing you could think of. Pushing yourself onto your toes you led him by the back of the head, kissing him insistently. 

You didn’t want to think about graduation. You didn’t want to think about leaving. You didn’t want to think about anything but here and now. His hands on your hips, your hands tangled in his hair. His breath mingling with yours. 

The only thing you wanted to think about right now was _him._


	8. Premonition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pre·mo·ni·tion  
> ˌprēməˈniSH(ə)n,ˌpreməˈniSH(ə)n/  
> noun  
> a strong feeling that something is about to happen, especially something unpleasant.

Something had changed between you and Shane. Where you had been reserved before, you seemed almost…daring. Caddy didn’t like it. He didn’t like the fact that he felt jealous. He didn’t like the fact that he had reason to feel jealousy. 

He thought that this relationship was perfect, or as close as you could get, anyway. But now, even after his feelings for _Shane_ of all people, were brought to the surface and followed through, he still felt… _wrong._

Hana and Shane were great. He had always held an appreciation for Hana, she was pretty, sweet, charming. Shane was quiet, forceful, kind of scary, to be completely honest. 

You, however.

There was something different about you. Whether it was your sassy remarks, your determination when you were doing something you loved or just your smile… Caddy found himself drawn to you. Just thinking about you gave him butterflies. After everything, after he had finally confessed, following you into this chaotic relationship, forming bonds with Hana and Shane. Caddy knew that he’d do whatever it took to make you happy. 

Even if that meant keeping his love for you to himself.

It was hard. It was so, so hard to not tell you every day. To not tell you even once. Just three simple words. Three, godawful words that could mean everything or nothing at all. He was going mad, he was going mad with desire and guilt and the knowledge that telling you could break everything, shatter his entire existence because you loved Hana and Shane and Caddy, but he could tell. He could tell that your love for him wasn’t the same that he had for you.

He was breaking, breaking with the thought that you didn’t love him that way, couldn’t love him that way. Now, now that something had changed between you and Shane, now that he could _see_ it. That affection in your eyes, that tender warmth Caddy was sure he had when he looked at you. You finally had it. You finally had the same feelings Caddy had.

Except you had them for Shane.

He felt lost. He felt senseless, falling into the void that was depression, jealousy, stupidity. He was so, so stupid. He should have just told you, should have just never agreed to this. But no, he would have agreed either way. If you were happy, that was all he needed. All he could want. If you could only be happy with him…

Caddy felt himself slipping. Slipping into that same state he had been in for weeks, that same hopeless feeling that always came crashing in around him, suffocating him. The same feeling that had been drowning him for weeks. Every. Single. Night. Luke always found him just staring at nothing, sometimes with tears running down his face, mostly there was nothing. Just a broken man. Luke tried to help. He always tried so hard. There was just nothing he could do but be there for Caddy. 

This time, however. This time was different.

You had the feelings. You finally had the feelings but. Shane. Shane had taken your heart. Caddy felt crushed. He couldn’t deal with this. He couldn’t take this. Shane had always been there for you. Shane always knew how to help you, how to make you feel better. Caddy was just a bystander, the second best. Maybe Shane was better for you after all. Maybe…

Caddy knew what he needed to do. He needed… he needed…. There. A paper. Pen. Some time. 

Tears pricking his eyes once again, he began.

* * *

__

_You won’t be getting this note until after graduation._

_I… I need you to know why. Why I’m leaving, why you can’t find me, why I’m even writing this note._

_The first day I saw you it was raining. People were racing to and from classes, trying to stay dry. But you. You were just standing in the middle of it all looking up at the sky. Smiling._

_I’m not a fucking poet, believe me. But even the sun couldn’t compare to how radiant you were. I thought it was just because of the rain. I thought maybe it was just stress, starting to get to me._

_It was you._

_Your gentle presence always brightened up the room. No matter where you were, if it was day or night, you were always so alive. I’ve never met someone so...captivating._

_Kissing you, that first time in your dorm. It was electrifying. You were warm against me, your force against mine. I was drunk with the feeling._

_Your suggestion, of combining our relationship with Shane and Hana… it was surprising, to say the least. I wasn’t sure why you wanted to, but you seemed so eager, brightening at the thought, so I agreed. It certainly couldn’t hurt. But it did._

_Your love for Hana and Shane was encompassing. I could see it on your face, with every look you gave them. How you had so much love to give, I’ll never know._

_Seeing Shane, and you, connect… it hurt. I’m not going to lie. It fucking hurt. And I don’t… I don’t want to hate Shane. Shane… Shane could help you more than I ever could, love you more than I could._

_I’m doing this for multiple reasons. I’m leaving. Please, don’t look for me. I need… I need time to think. ~~Maybe one day….~~_

_Just know that I wish you all the best. Know that I want you, Hana, and Shane to be happy. I… I couldn’t be happy, and you guys wouldn’t be able to help. Just know…._

_I love you.  
_


	9. Finality

Graduation day. A mix of dread and exhilaration mounted in your stomach. It was almost like waiting in line for a rollercoaster you didn’t particularly want to ride, but your friends had dragged you in and now you were stuck... It felt exactly like that, actually. Smiling slightly at your spot on analogy, you turned in front of the mirror yet again. 

You felt confident. Ready to take on the world. Whether it was just because of your dress or the fact that you were _graduating_ , you weren’t sure. All you knew was that today was the start of something, as well as the end. You shook your head. Now was not the time to get emotional. There was plenty of time to do that later.

Walking out, cap in hand, it really hit you. This was it. After today you never had to step foot on Asagao’s grounds again. You’d never had to listen to the droning teachers you had come to love. You’d never have to dash through the halls of Primrose and Bluebell. You’d never sit with Hidden Block at lunch. Nothing would be the same.

You thought you’d have ignored everything the headmaster said about graduation, but you were dead wrong. Instead, as you sat there listening, everything struck a cord. You realized just how fast your life was going by. Where had the time gone? It seemed like just yesterday you’d been worried about exams, and now….

Your name was called. Walking across the stage, diploma handed to you. You heard Hana and Shane somewhere in the crowd. Your family watching you proudly. You smiled. 

The rest of the day felt like a blur. You watched your cap fall from the air. Pictures with all of your friends. Hidden Block and Normal Boots jackets covered your vision. Hugs, hugs, so many hugs. You hadn’t truly cried yet, somehow. A few stray tears here and there but mostly just, surrounding yourself with love. Returning to your dorm for the last time, you sunk back against the door. 

You were drained. You finally allowed the emotional overload to show, and you sighed deeply before pushing off the door. Ready to drop into bed and sleep, you paused. 

There was a letter on your bed.

Frowning, you picked it up. It was blank on the outside, a white envelope just staring at you. As you slid a letter opener through the flap you tried to figure out who it was from. It couldn’t have been any of your family… Maybe one of your friends? The familiar handwriting made you pause.

Hand shaking, you started reading.

* * *

Shane found you sobbing. He hurriedly wrapped his arms around you, trying to soothe you. You shook, holding him tightly. Nothing was okay. None of this was okay. You finally pushed yourself off of him, pointing to the note. He got the message.

You watched, sniffling as he read. His expression said it all. Watching you carefully, he tried to judge what you wanted. You just stared at him blankly, stuffing your face into his shoulder. He ran his hands up and down your back, gentle circles with his fingers. It was all he could do.

* * *

Hana took it only slightly better than you had. None of you were okay with this. Sitting together on your bed, you curled into yourself.

You were graduating alone.

You felt your heart break.

* * *

Shane called the clubs. They all felt it. The tense feeling in the air. It was like someone had died. 

Ian joined you on the bed. No matter how many times he had feigned a rivalry with Caddy, you knew he had taken Caddy’s leaving as badly as you had. He didn’t protest when you leaned against him, and you didn’t protest when he wrapped his arms around you. Neither of you could take this.

You ended up having a sleepover in your room. The next morning was harsh. Everyone was supposed to leave for the end of the year. None of it felt real. Nothing felt justifiable. You felt numb.

The Hidden Block train compartment was silent. None of the usual bickering or jokes. Ian, normally full of sassy remarks, was completely silent. Luke tried to break the silence once in awhile, some comment about the weather or a video game. Nothing was heartfelt. 

You wiped away tears angrily. None of this was ever supposed to happen. If you...if you could have just…

“Stop beating yourself up over it. There’s… there’s nothing we could have done.” Ian’s voice washed over you. Looking up at him, you sighed.

He was right. There wasn’t anything you could do but move forward…

* * *

It was difficult, adjusting to the change of life outside of Asagao. You spent most of the first year sneaking onto Asagao’s grounds, spending time with Hana and Shane. It became easier to deal with after Hana and Shane graduated. You all got an apartment together, adjusting to each other's college schedules.

It was nice, you attended the same college, so you saw each other a lot. Taking a break from school you’d all be found hanging out playing video games or visiting the rest of the clubs. It was funny, really, how many of you ended up at the same college. Even when you weren’t technically all together, you could usually be found chilling with them. Every so often, you had a time of complete peace. Hana and Shane away at classes, and you just relaxing in the apartment, cooking or reading. One such day, you were startled to hear the door open and close.

“Shane?” You called out from the kitchen, confused. Hana was at a class, not due back until 6, and Shane had just left for his class. Maybe he had forgotten something? Leaving the stove to go see who had opened the door, you felt yourself go rigid.

“Hi.” Caddy’s voice washed over you for the first time in two years. He looked at you shyly. He hadn’t changed much, maybe grown his beard out a little. He looked good. Recovering from your shock, you rushed at him, throwing your arms around him.

“I missed you.” His chuckles flooded your ears. Surprising you slightly, he leaned down to kiss you ardently. You responded eagerly, breaking only to whisper against him.

“I missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, this fic was a ride.  
> Shoutout to Kingofarchers and Spoolesofthread for giving me this idea!  
> Love you hamfam <3  
> Also, if there's enough demand I might write a short epilogue? Maybe? We'll have to see,  
> Once again, thank you all for reading!


	10. Epilogue 1: We Could Make Forever After All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clear up any confusion, it has been decided that there will be two epilogues.  
> This is the first.  
> Enjoy <3

“Hana, I’m not- I’m- I’m panicking. This is…. Hana I’m panicking help.” You focused on Hana’s expression, her eyes crinkling with her smile. 

“It’s alright. You’ve got this. After all, you’ve got something old…” She picked up your Hidden Block jacket, the familiar Black and Yellow bringing tears to your eyes. You slipped it on, relishing in the feel of the fabric against your skin. 

It had been years since you had been given the jacket. 4 years, to be precise. So much had happened. You and Hana and Shane moving in together, Caddy coming back, Hana and Shane getting married… Hana’s voice brought you out of your reminiscent thoughts as she continued.

“Something new…” She gestured to your dress and you laughed, twirling slightly. Simple but elegant, the white dress fell to just above your ankle, the yellow sash tied just at your belly button. How they had ever found a sash to match the yellow of the Hidden Block jacket you’d never know.

“Something borrowed…” Hana unclasped her necklace, gesturing for you to turn around. You looked down at it once she was done. You had given her this necklace, when she and Shane had gotten married. A symbol of your friendship, as well as ended love. Tearing up again, you smiled gently at Hana. You noticed she was close to crying too.

“And, finally, something blue….” You both laughed as she handed you your blue chucks. Looking into the mirror once again, you felt a sense of peace. Sure, your outfit was a bit of a mess, the jacket and dress and shoes all colliding, but somehow it just looked so… you. 

“You’re ready.” Hana gave you a hug, darting off to join the procession. You took another long look at the mirror. This was it. Taking a deep breath, you let it out slowly, going to wait for your cue.

The doors opened.

You took a few steps, watching as everyone stood up. A few more. There was Shane, smiling in his best-man suit. There was Hana in her spot as Maid of Honor, trying to hold back tears. As you got closer, however, there was only one person you wanted to focus on.

Caddy was trying not to cry, you could tell. The rush of love and affection that hit you as you watched him made your knees weak. This was the man who had broken your heart senior year of highschool. This was the man who had stolen your heart in one fell swoop when he appeared at your doorstep. This was the man who had proposed in front of all the members of Hidden Block and Normal Boots clubs.

This was the man who you were going to marry.

You weren’t sure how it happened, but one moment you were holding back tears for what you were sure wouldn’t be the last time that day and the next it was time to say your vows. You tried to focus on the minister as you waited to speak.

“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” You swallowed, trying to convey as much love and adoration as you could fit into two small words.

“I do.” You couldn’t stop your smile. Caddy’s thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand consistently, a way for both of you to cope with the high amount of emotions running through the room.

“I do.” Caddy’s voice coated your senses, leaving you breathless. You chuckled slightly, trying not to shake as you put the gold band on his finger. He kissed your knuckles gently before he did the same, and you resisted the urge to start crying once again. You barely waited for the announcement to kiss, tuning out everything as you connected with your _husband._

Blushing brightly as everyone clapped, you looked into your husband’s eyes. The affection was clear, that fond look that you’d come to memorize spreading across his face. Then again, you don’t think it had ever left. 

“Hi, husband.” You giggled, trying out the word. It was light on your tongue, full of meaning. He chuckled, blushing as well.

“Hello, wife.” You could feel it. Every ounce of tenderness and warmth and _love._ You yelped, clinging to his neck as you suddenly weren’t standing anymore.

“Make way, coming through.” He laughed brightly as you shook your head at him. He was carrying you _bridal style._ You cracked up at the thought.

“What? What’s so funny?” He seemed confused, but your laughter was infectious, and he let out a couple rampant chuckles as well. You leaned into him, giggling into his ear.

“You’re carrying me _bridal style._ ” He raised an eyebrow as you broke into laughter again. He finally put you down, watching as you wiped away tears of mirth. The fond look was back.

“...What?” You smirked at him. God, you loved that look. Just that gaze could leave you speechless. You watched as he stepped closer, raising your chin to kiss you gently.

“I love you.” You leaned against him, listening to his heartbeat as he played with the sleeve of your jacket.

“I love you too.”


	11. Epilogue 2: Blame Ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Epilogue 2: Blame Ally  
> Takes place directly after Chap 10  
> alternate titles:  
> -Epilogue 2: Angst  
> -Epilogue 2: The non-canon ending  
> -Epilogue 2: Because Even angst needs an okay ending  
> -Epilogue 2: Don't let me write anymore for this story thx  
> -Epilogue 2: Spencer and King are going to hate me

“Where the hell have you been?” Your shock was fading quickly, replaced with surges of relief and anger. It had been _two **years.**_ And Now he just decides he can show back up again? You stormed into the kitchen, turning off the stove before returning, watching Caddy. 

He examined the pictures on the walls, Shane’s art you and Hana had hung up, pictures of the clubs on reunion trips and outings. College was busy, but somehow you all made it work. You came up behind him while he examined the photo of Shane’s proposal to Hana. 

“You guys aren’t all together anymore?” He glanced at you over his shoulder. You shook your head.

“After you left…. Nothing was the same. Hana and Shane grew closer during their final year of high school and while we all stayed friends, the romantic feelings I had for them just…faded.” You shrugged. That year after you graduated was…. Difficult. You didn’t want to think about it. Things were better now. Caddy’s gaze brought you back.

“...I’m sorry.” Caddy’s pained look made your heart lurch. You gave him a quick shake of your head.

“Please, don’t. I moved past it. I moved on. I don’t….” You blinked roughly. “I don’t need your pity.” You turned your head, avoiding his gaze. This wasn’t what you needed right now. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go.

“...Why are you here? Why now?” You turned back to him, your gaze sharp. You tried to control the anger that threatened to break through. By Caddy’s expression, it seemed like you weren’t doing the best job.

“I… There’s something I need to tell you. Maybe we should wait for Hana and Shane?” He seemed nervous. Something felt wrong. 

“They won’t be back until later, but I can call them…” You trailed off as he shook his head.

“No, no. It can wait. I, um. Do you mind if I stick around until then?” His smile was a bit forced, but as you nodded that he could stay it seemed to become more genuine. You returned to the kitchen, calling out to him.

“You’re lucky I always make extra of everything, or you might not have gotten any food.” It felt almost… normal, having Caddy just in the other room. You ignored the pang of sadness hitting your chest every time you thought about him. He was _here._ He wasn’t gone anymore.

You tried to push away the thought that maybe it was his return making you sad.

You heard Hana’s scream before you saw her enter the apartment. ….Maybe you should have warned her? Too late now. You raced into the living room, ready to comfort. Seems like Caddy had beat you to it. A sobbing Hana was holding onto Caddy as he ran his hands through her hair, holding back tears himself. You leaned against the doorway, watching quietly. Shane would be home soon, too. That should be an interesting reunion.

You turned back to the kitchen. All of this was just… too much to handle. Thankfully you had the excuse of cooking food to keep you busy.

You were let known that Shane was back through a series of sounds. First, a door opened and closed. Then it opened and closed again. Hana sighed, and you quickly made your way out the front door. You probably should have warned Shane as well, but your thoughts were… scattered today. You found him gazing out at the city, his brow furrowed and a frown plain on his face.

“...How long has he been here?” You stood next to Shane, leaning against the railing as you watched the cars.

“Since you left this afternoon.” He drew in a sharp breath, letting it out slowly. You waited patiently.

“Are you okay?” Shane’s voice was gentle. You weren’t sure what you were expecting him to say, but asking how you were doing wasn’t it.

“I’ve certainly been better. I’ve been worse, though, too. He says he has something to tell us. Guess we should go listen…” You watched as Shane nodded slowly, giving the city one last, long look before turning back towards the door. You followed. Time to find out what he was doing here.

“You, uh, probably want to be sitting down for this.” Caddy’s hands were shaking. You frowned, perching on the arm of the couch. That dread was back, running through the room, filling every corner and crevice. You shivered.

“I’m… I’m not going to give you any details right now. I have another letter, that’ll be coming in the mail soon… All I’m going to say right now is that I’m sick. I have…” His voice broke, and you watched as he shakily wiped away tears. “I have a year to live.” 

You went numb. Every part of you was screaming ‘no, this isn’t real. This isn’t true’. It was just like two years ago. Caddy blowing through your life, stealing your affections and bringing some sort of soul hurting news, crushing you in no time flat. You felt yourself stand up and run to the door, flying out under the dim sky. You didn’t know where you were going, just that you needed to leave.

You stopped at the park. Collapsing next to a tree, you let the tears run down your face as you watched the stars begin to show. You wanted to know why. Why was your life this way, why did you ever fall for Caddy, why did he leave, why why why why why. 

Curling up into a ball you let the sobs wrack your body. You couldn’t. You couldn’t deal with this. You couldn’t handle this. You needed- Someone was curling themselves around you, holding you while you cried. It could have been anyone, some random stranger, but at the moment you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

You cried until you couldn’t cry anymore. Your throat hoarse, you coughed as whoever it was next to you handed you a bottle of water. Wiping your eyes once again you blinked. It was Caddy. 

“Thanks.” You couldn’t even bring yourself to feel anything anymore. He nodded as you gulped down half the bottle.

“...Do you want to talk about it?” You snorted slightly, turning to him.

“About how screwed up my entire life is? No thanks.” You returned to your water, watching as he drew circles in the dirt with a stick. God, this was so pathetic. _You_ were so pathetic.

“Caddy, I-” He shook his head.

“No, I understand. I’m sorry, for leaving like I did. I was young and so, _so,_ stupid. If I had just told you how I felt-” You cut him off, putting all your regret and sadness and, well, _love_ into the kiss. You could feel him relax against you as the kiss deepened, your tears mixing with his. Pulling away softly, you smiled at him, relaxing against him to look at the stars. His chin on your head, your hands intertwined.

Maybe your life couldn’t be perfect.

But you were damn well willing to let one night be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Want to donate to me? Have a request, prompt, or just want to talk? Check me out on tumblr! anniewhovian.tumblr.com  
> <3


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